Squirrel Family Portrait

Dirt Squirrel #001

Waaaake uuuuuup

Sir Mix-a-lot was a road scholar

Damn Crackheads!

Overlord's

And, why do I care?? Ya Heard Me??

Listen you nasty dirt squirrel. Are you really that selfish?? He was headed in the right direction. But then you pushed your way in, as usual, & after you call, *WHAM!* he's gone.
Congratulations!! You managed to completely derail his train to a better life! You're poison & know this, I know the REAL him, this isn't him. He's a completely diff't person around you & not for the better. Where the HELL have you been??? You abandoned him when he needed you most, showed your TRUE colors & now that he has a chance at a life without you - a chance to get his shit together & be a better person - you SUCK him back in. So freakin' pathetic. 
Find someone your own age, he's still young enough to turn his life around.

This day in history....

Mark this day squirrels. Trutie wifey squirrel used the word cunt. Cause the horse squirrel is a dirty cunt for what she did.

Squirrel family application, REJECTED!

A photo of Deuce Bigalo Squirrel

Survival of the Squirrel - the Deuce Bigalo Squirrel

Hello squirrilies!

Today we are going to learn about a big dirt squirrel to avoid. The forever heartless and perpetratin' Deuce Bigalo squirrel.

This Casanova Squirrel is to be avoided at all costs! Why, you ask? Because if this squirrel is hanging around your fluffy 'lil tail, he's for sure workin' ya & will leave you broken & in pieces as he struts away smilin' without a care in the world.. This squirrel comes in all shapes & forms.

He could pretend to be your best friend squirrel one minute, then whisper sweet lies into your ear & make you his friends with benefits squirrel & then the WORST of all. He poses as trustworthy squirrel so you let your guard down for 1 second and BOOM! He's gotcha! And now you're fucked cause he's gonna use you, abuse you & emotionally rape you.

And before Deuce Bigalo Squirrel has done tossed you aside, he's already workin his next squirrels. Yes squirrel friends, I've unfortunately met this squirrel. I've been worked over so HARD that I still have a hard time believing the lie I was fed for over a year and a half.

But now I report to you, somewhat put back together & I'm surrounded by an impenetrable fortress that no squirrel can get through. Survival of the squirrel.

Watch out for Dingle-berry Squirrels!!

It's that time of the night again my Squirrels! Come out, come out wherever you are!

Today's Important Squirrel fact of the day is: Watch out for Dingle-berry Squirrels!!

Look Out!! Turn around!! You've got one on your 6!!! Hahaha! 


Much like the Dirt Squirrel, the Dingle-berry Squirrel has their own agenda. A dirt squirrel can still be likable though, you just gotta watch those little tree rodents. However, the dingle-berry squirrel, is a dirt squirrel you just can't get rid of! They cling to you like cheap TP on a hairy ass and are always on your tail looking for any scraps.

If you're unable to locate or are unsure how to spot a Dingle-berry Squirrel, simply turn and look over to your El Capitan Squirrel or 'E Squirrel' for short. (ya that's right, I did it) The E Squirrel will most assuredly be followed closely by Dingle-berry Squirrels just a waitin' for scraps! Followed usually also by a few dirt squirrels. Here, pictured right, is a recent photo of an E Squirrel I know. (I should take this show on the road!) This poor squirrel can't seem to do any squirrel hunting without some dingle-berry squirrels rootin' around all over his nuts! Hahahaha!!

My special family of squirrels wouldn't be kept fed, clean or alive if it weren't for the most special squirrel of all!! Our Super Secret Squirrel!! The Super Secret Squirrel or Wifey Squirrel, keeps everyone in line, in check and the whole family would be lost without her. ESPECIALLY the Wifey Squirrel's BFF: Trutie Squirrel. These two squirrels are like two peas in a pod, or err, I mean two nuts in a tree!  Always talking, laughing and coming up with nut-brained scenarios! Easily amused they are and always there for a phone call, text or friend. <3



So remember squirrels, always be on the lookout and at the ready.  You never know where the Dingle-berry Squirrel may be lurking but always know, Dirt Squirrels are everywhere!
LOOK HERE'S ANOTHER ONE!!

Run little squirrel, RUN!

Why squirrels? I'm not talking about the cute fluffy tailed little gray animals if that's what you're thinking.
Then what is a squirrel you ask?
A squirrel is a person who may be a bit scatter brained, always got something to do & somewhere to go but can never seem to get it together enough to get there.
There are two kinds of Squirrels.
... 1- The Squirrel family & the fellow family squirrel.

A fellow family squirrel is one of many or a few, but these types of people were cut from the same cloth. (I realize grammatically this is a horror, but I'm not going for a pulitzer here.)
They would do anything to help anyone, but most assuredly they would go to the ends of the earth to assist & aide a fellow family squirrel. They are a tight knit bunch who keep close to each other, they're trustworthy, loyal & are always lookin out for the family cause the other kind of squirrels are alwaaays lurkin about.....

... 2- The Dirt Squirrel. (sends shivers down my spine!)

The dirt squirrel is a sad, pathetic dirty birdy! They'll smile in your face while they steal from you and can lie like a pro. They usually run in packs, but in reality, they're alone. They're only out for themselves & although they may appear to be a friendly little squirrel, they'll bite your hand immediately after you've fed them. The dirt squirrel is manipulative, conniving, thieving, always scheming & playing any angle they can. You can almost certainly bet they've always got an alterior motive & they usually travel under the cover of darkness.

Always be on the lookout for the dirt squirrels!